Words That Change Minds: The 14 Patterns for Mastering the Language of Influence
by Shelle Rose Charvet
If we observe and listen carefully to how a person behaves and communicates linguistically, we can glean an understanding of how, neurologically, a person puts his or her experience together to be excellent, mediocre, or awful at the things he or she does. Hence, this field is called Neuro-linguistic Programming. Proactive: "I meet with my team every week." Mainly Proactive: "I meet with my team if it seems like we need it." Equally Proactive and Reactive: "I meet with my team to go over the current files. It is important to stay informed." Mainly Reactive: "Even though you might wonder if it is necessary to meet with the team every week, I do it because it is important that they feel they are being listened to." Reactive: "Even though everybody might wonder if it is really necessary to meet each week, it is important to consider the needs people have of being listened to."
If we observe and listen carefully to how a person behaves and communicates linguistically, we can glean an understanding of how, neurologically, a person puts his or her experience together to be excellent, mediocre, or awful at the things he or she does. Hence, this field is called Neuro-linguistic Programming.
Do it now vs. think about how to do it. This is where I also have disagreements with my hubby. I often just want to get things done, or get out the door, while he needs time. The solution? We agree on a time to go out the door, and I find lots of things to get done, so I don't have the feeling that I'm spending my time just waiting.
Generalization is where you take a few examples and then create a general principle. This is how learning occurs. A small child learns to open one, two, or possibly three, doors and then she knows how to open them all. The child develops a Generalization about how to open doors.
Most people would agree that our behavior is different when we are with different people, at work, or at home with our family. They are not, therefore, descriptions of our personality, but rather a picture of how we are interacting with different environments or contexts.
You pay attention to how people answer, instead of what they say. In this way, after asking a few simple questions, you can determine what will trigger and maintain someone's motivation and how they internally process information.
"If we observe and listen carefully to how a person behaves and communicates linguistically, we can glean an understanding of how, neurologically, a person puts his or her experience together to be excellent, mediocre, or awful at the things he or she does. Hence, this field is called Neuro-linguistic Programming."
"Proactive: "I meet with my team every week." Mainly Proactive: "I meet with my team if it seems like we need it." Equally Proactive and Reactive: "I meet with my team to go over the current files. It is important to stay informed." Mainly Reactive: "Even though you might wonder if it is necessary to meet with the team every week, I do it because it is important that they feel they are being listened to." Reactive: "Even though everybody might wonder if it is really necessary to meet each week, it is important to consider the needs people have of being listened to.""
"Reactive: sentence structure incomplete sentences, subject or verb missing passive verbs or verbs transformed into nouns lots of infinitives speak as if the world controls them, things happen to them, believe in chance or luck long and convoluted sentences talks about thinking about, analyzing, understanding, or waiting, or the principle of the thing conditionals, would, could, might, may overly cautious, need to understand and analyze Reactive: body language willingness to sit for long periods"
"Generalization is about how we unconsciously generate rules, beliefs, and principles about what is true, untrue, possible, and impossible. Some women, for example, may have had several bad experiences with men and then come to the conclusion that men (i.e., all men) cannot be trusted. They develop the rule: Never trust a man. People have a certain number of experiences of a similar type and then make a rule or develop a belief."
"Do it now vs. think about how to do it. This is where I also have disagreements with my hubby. I often just want to get things done, or get out the door, while he needs time. The solution? We agree on a time to go out the door, and I find lots of things to get done, so I don't have the feeling that I'm spending my time just waiting."
"Generalization is where you take a few examples and then create a general principle. This is how learning occurs. A small child learns to open one, two, or possibly three, doors and then she knows how to open them all. The child develops a Generalization about how to open doors."
"Most people would agree that our behavior is different when we are with different people, at work, or at home with our family. They are not, therefore, descriptions of our personality, but rather a picture of how we are interacting with different environments or contexts."
- →Do it now vs. think about how to do it. This is where I also have disagreements with my hubby. I often just want to get things done, or get out the door, while he needs time. The solution? We agree on a time to go out the door, and I find lots of things to get done, so I don't have the feeling that I'm spending my time just waiting.
- →Influencing Language: Proactive: do it; jump in; get it done; don't wait; just do it; now Reactive: understand; think about; wait; analyze; consider; might; could; would
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