Face to Face: The Art of Human Connection
von Brian Grazer
Try this quick experiment and you’ll start to understand what I mean. For one day, put your phone away—out of sight—in every meeting, at every meal, and during any conversation. Look each person you interact with in the eye. As you hold eye contact with them, focus on what they are saying. Be present and listen. Notice how your interactions change. Be aware of how it makes you feel. And watch as it makes others feel more respected, heard, seen, and valued. Chances are, they will reciprocate. Even before you start to speak, let your eyes initiate the pitch. Be sure to direct your pitch to someone by catching their gaze. If you are pitching to more than one person, as is often the case, look at each person in turn. If you focus only on the most senior person in the room, others are likely to disengage. Given that the person in charge will usually ask for the opinions of the others in the room after you leave, keeping everyone engaged is highly advisable.
Personally, I have found that true love always starts with the eyes. A little bit of eye contact with the right person is like a drug. It ignites all our other senses. This is what happened the first time Veronica and I locked eyes. Even though it was a brief look, it was a look that revealed a mutual curiosity. When we see curiosity in the eyes of another person, it validates us.
There is not one person on earth, regardless of their industry, status, or passions, who doesn’t crave that kind of validation, whether they admit it or not. In my experience, when you are able to give people that, they are more likely to talk openly and honestly about who they are and why they do the things they do. And often they will want to know about you, too.
Leadership isn’t always about strength, position, or circumstances. Being a great leader starts with looking people in the eye. After all, if you can’t connect with people, you can’t convince people of your beliefs. If you can’t convince people of your beliefs, they won’t follow you. If they won’t follow you, you can’t become a leader. Eye contact matters.
It takes a bit of courage to take a chance on a connection. After all, our interest, attention, or gaze may not be reciprocated. And because we, as humans, are all insecure in some way, we often assume that we are the reason why: Is it the way I look? Maybe I’m not interesting? Or important enough? Or smart enough? But usually that’s not the case.
Looking someone in the eyes with genuine interest signals to them that you are present with and for them. And that is the starting point for respect and validation. It signals that they matter. It is the jumping off point for everything that is essential in a meaningful relationship—curiosity, trust, intimacy, empathy, and vulnerability.
"Try this quick experiment and you’ll start to understand what I mean. For one day, put your phone away—out of sight—in every meeting, at every meal, and during any conversation. Look each person you interact with in the eye. As you hold eye contact with them, focus on what they are saying. Be present and listen. Notice how your interactions change. Be aware of how it makes you feel. And watch as it makes others feel more respected, heard, seen, and valued. Chances are, they will reciprocate."
"Even before you start to speak, let your eyes initiate the pitch. Be sure to direct your pitch to someone by catching their gaze. If you are pitching to more than one person, as is often the case, look at each person in turn. If you focus only on the most senior person in the room, others are likely to disengage. Given that the person in charge will usually ask for the opinions of the others in the room after you leave, keeping everyone engaged is highly advisable."
"We all know someone like that, I think: not necessarily someone famous, but someone who, for whatever reason, seems to have easy access to the most relaxed, least-rehearsed parts of themselves. As you prepare for a speech or presentation, it can be helpful to visualize that person. You might even picture them while you are speaking. In your mind’s eye, see how they stand, how they move, how they make you feel when they look at you."
"Personally, I have found that true love always starts with the eyes. A little bit of eye contact with the right person is like a drug. It ignites all our other senses. This is what happened the first time Veronica and I locked eyes. Even though it was a brief look, it was a look that revealed a mutual curiosity. When we see curiosity in the eyes of another person, it validates us."
"There is not one person on earth, regardless of their industry, status, or passions, who doesn’t crave that kind of validation, whether they admit it or not. In my experience, when you are able to give people that, they are more likely to talk openly and honestly about who they are and why they do the things they do. And often they will want to know about you, too."
"Leadership isn’t always about strength, position, or circumstances. Being a great leader starts with looking people in the eye. After all, if you can’t connect with people, you can’t convince people of your beliefs. If you can’t convince people of your beliefs, they won’t follow you. If they won’t follow you, you can’t become a leader. Eye contact matters."
"It takes a bit of courage to take a chance on a connection. After all, our interest, attention, or gaze may not be reciprocated. And because we, as humans, are all insecure in some way, we often assume that we are the reason why: Is it the way I look? Maybe I’m not interesting? Or important enough? Or smart enough? But usually that’s not the case."
- →It takes a bit of courage to take a chance on a connection. After all, our interest, attention, or gaze may not be reciprocated. And because we, as humans, are all insecure in some way, we often assume that we are the reason why: Is it the way I look? Maybe I’m not interesting? Or important enough? Or smart enough? But usually that’s not the case.
- →Now when I pitch a movie or television project, I always begin with an inarguable, universal theme, something that is essential to the human experience. My protagonists have goals that we all, as a species, want and root for—things like love, family unity, self-respect, and survival against the odds.
- →That night, I used a trick that has served me well in countless other public-speaking situations. I narrowed my focus from a giant group to an individual (or individuals in this case). That allowed me to establish an intimate connection under circumstances that were anything but.
- →And the truth is, every person has the potential to teach us something new or show us a new way of looking at the world. All we have to do to unlock that potential is to acknowledge them through our eyes and invite them to connect.
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