That's What She Said: What Men Need to Know (and Women Need to Tell Them) about Working Together
von Joanne Lipman
They’re just terrified of saying something wrong. When Catalyst, a nonprofit organization focused on working women, asked men what might undermine their support for gender equality, a stunning 74 percent cited fear—fear of loss of status, fear of other men’s disapproval, and, most telling of all, fear of making a mistake. Men are walking around on eggshells. In one study, when a group of teachers graded math tests with no names on them, the girls outscored the boys. But when another group of teachers graded the same tests with names, the results were reversed: they gave higher grades to the boys than the girls. All of the teachers, by the way, were female.
They’re just terrified of saying something wrong. When Catalyst, a nonprofit organization focused on working women, asked men what might undermine their support for gender equality, a stunning 74 percent cited fear—fear of loss of status, fear of other men’s disapproval, and, most telling of all, fear of making a mistake. Men are walking around on eggshells.
In one study, when a group of teachers graded math tests with no names on them, the girls outscored the boys. But when another group of teachers graded the same tests with names, the results were reversed: they gave higher grades to the boys than the girls. All of the teachers, by the way, were female.
It takes hours of effort and hundreds of tiny daily conscious and subconscious decisions about what to say, when to speak, what to wear, whether to acknowledge we have a sick kid at home—moves we make to protect ourselves and that are completely invisible to most men.
Thomas-Hunt’s research had shown that if we believe everybody is biased, we will be too. But the research also demonstrated the reverse: if we believe that everyone around us is trying hard to fight against those stereotypes and prejudices, we’ll do the same.
A Bain & Company study found that 43 percent of women aspired to top management early in their careers, versus 34 percent of men. Yet within two years, the figure for women plunged, to 16 percent, while for men there was no change.
"They’re just terrified of saying something wrong. When Catalyst, a nonprofit organization focused on working women, asked men what might undermine their support for gender equality, a stunning 74 percent cited fear—fear of loss of status, fear of other men’s disapproval, and, most telling of all, fear of making a mistake. Men are walking around on eggshells."
"In one study, when a group of teachers graded math tests with no names on them, the girls outscored the boys. But when another group of teachers graded the same tests with names, the results were reversed: they gave higher grades to the boys than the girls. All of the teachers, by the way, were female."
"It takes hours of effort and hundreds of tiny daily conscious and subconscious decisions about what to say, when to speak, what to wear, whether to acknowledge we have a sick kid at home—moves we make to protect ourselves and that are completely invisible to most men."
"Thomas-Hunt’s research had shown that if we believe everybody is biased, we will be too. But the research also demonstrated the reverse: if we believe that everyone around us is trying hard to fight against those stereotypes and prejudices, we’ll do the same."
"A Bain & Company study found that 43 percent of women aspired to top management early in their careers, versus 34 percent of men. Yet within two years, the figure for women plunged, to 16 percent, while for men there was no change."
"Indeed, researchers have found that some women react to negative feedback far more strongly than men do. When given a mix of positive and negative feedback, men focus on the positive—while women put greater weight on the negative."
"As perplexing as those results are, they also shed light on the solution. They lay bare the key to fixing the gender wage gap. We all need to advocate on behalf of others, and to urge friends and colleagues to push for themselves."
- →Thomas-Hunt’s research had shown that if we believe everybody is biased, we will be too. But the research also demonstrated the reverse: if we believe that everyone around us is trying hard to fight against those stereotypes and prejudices, we’ll do the same.
- →Indeed, researchers have found that some women react to negative feedback far more strongly than men do. When given a mix of positive and negative feedback, men focus on the positive—while women put greater weight on the negative.
- →It’s impossible to overstate how important it is for bosses to let others know you trust their judgment, you value their contributions, and then give them the autonomy to do their jobs.
- →We use language that makes us seem hesitant, that downplays our own status, and that implicitly cedes more power to the other person in the conversation—especially if it’s a man.
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